The Rules Of Potterness

Dominique had been bored. And that was never a good sign. So she had decided it was time to do something… not boring. Something fun. Something… interesting. And boy, had she done that.

The girl waved her wand towards the kitchen door, locking it, before she turned around to face her … victims? She'd managed to lure Scorpius and Louis - okay, she'd forced them - into the kitchen, for some ... fun (you could call it torturing if you wished, it was the same thing to her, really).

"So," she said, grinning brightly. "I've locked the door. And screaming wont help you! It's a shame really, because you both have amazingly shiny hair." she leaned against the door, looking from her brother to Scorpius. "So, you're gonna become a Potter are you Young Blond Malfoy Spawn? What makes you think you're going to be able to handle that?" Scorpius as a Potter was really amusing to imagine. But that meant he had to marry Lily. Or well, Albus or James if he was into that.

Scorpius didn't want to think about how Dominque had managed to get him into the kitchen. It was all just one big blur. He didn't know what had happened to Albus, all he knew was that he was stuck in a room that had sharp things with a woman who seemed perfectly happy about kidnapping him. At least Louis was with him. It could've been worse. It could've been just him and her. Or him her and James. That wouldn't have been fun.

He tried his best to look bored by her words, raising a brow as she commented on their 'amazingly shiny hair'. Though they both did have nice hair. It was the blessing of being blond as far as he was concerned. One that poor Dominque didn't have. He felt his face beginning to heat up as Dominque asked if he was going to be a Potter, eyes snapping to Louis for a split second, remembering that Albus had told Louis about their relationship.

"What on earth is that supposed to mean?" he asked, trying his best to just pretend he knew nothing. Perhaps she was making a joke and he was just jumping to conclusions. Even if she wasn't he was still going to deny it as much as he bloody well could.

How had this worked out? Was Dom locking the door-? Louis looked quickly at Scorpius."Whatever she might do, be strong," he warned him in a hasty whisper, before looking back at his sister and pushing himself onto a counter and biting into an apple, only to almost choke on it on her next words.

"What?" he asked incredulously. Oh Merlin, how did she find out? He was sure she hadn't extracted this information from him. He could foresee a multitude of painful ends delivered by Albud coming his way. "How did you - I mean, what're you-" He shook his head, deciding instead to latch back onto a piece of earlier conversation. "Our hair is beautiful. Let us out."

Dom sometimes wondered why she hadn't become a ninja. Or a spy. Or a psycho evil murderer. She'd be such a good psycho evil murderer. But instead she became a beast handler. Then again, that was a pretty badass job. And she at least knew how to tame beasts - which would probably come in handy.

"Sit." she ordered Scorpius, waving her wand again and making a chair appear behind him. Her eyes then fluttered to her brother for a moment. Was he being weird? There was defiantly something going on. She'd have to find out what. "You're marrying a Potter, I have foreseen this." she declared, as she took slow steps towards Scorpius. "And for that reason, it is time, my little blond Malfoy spawn person, that we see if you're worth being a Potter." she grinned wickedly, before she turned to look at her brother again.

"Louis, get me a fork."

At Louis advice of 'whatever she might do, be strong', Scorpius began to feel a sense of dread creeping up on him. This was Louis' sister, and that was what he had to say about being locked in a room with her? The other blond also seemed quite shocked at the fact Dominque had guessed about the Potter thing though, so he figured he'd give Louis the benefit of the doubt and let him deal with the situation.

When a chair appeared behind him, Scorpius sucked in a breath and encouraged himself to be brave, glancing at Louis again and slowly taking a seat. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what would happen if he disobeyed the girl. "Marrying?" he repeated. "I think that's looking a bit too far into the future there- wait, a FORK?!" he lept back to his feet, eyes darting between the siblings. "What on earth do you need a fork for? I think I want to know what's going to happen here before I agree to take part." Though something in the back of his mind told him he really, really did not have a choice.

Louis felt the familiar wariness of dealing with his sister return as she asked for a fork. "Wait, what?" he asked with a frown. "You're not going to eat him, are you?" He bit his lip as he reached into a draw, gripping the fork firmly. "Name its purpose."

So far, so good, he thought. "How do you know Albus isn't joining the Malfoys, Dom, eh, eh?" he asked, grinning. "Don't jump to conclusions. It's bad." He was still gripping the fork, trying to decide the best way to transmit escape plans directly into Scorpius's brain.

There was no doubt that Dom was a fun sister, though. None at all.

Dom placed her hands on her hips, glaring at Scorpius. "Sit. Down. Malfoy-spawn." Aw, he was being so dramatic. Merlin, it was just a fork.

She turned to her brother, holding out her hand. "Give it to me, Louis William." she said, firmly. "I promise I am not going to eat Mally. I'm not done with him yet. You, on the other hand Louis, I'm getting bored of, so don't push me."

She was about to make another threatening comment when Louis' next sentence caught her off guard. "Albus?" she repeated. "Who said anything about Albus?" her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You're marrying Albus?" What the hell was going on? Was Louis just being loony? "Well, okay then, if that is your Potter choice, a bit weird. You pick the Slytherin-puffle, you Malfoy's are quite strange." Dom shrugged, pointing her wand at Scorpius this time. "Right, we're gonna play a game. But first let's answer a few questions, are you going to behave? Is Louis gonna hand me the fork? Or will I have to take matters to my own hands? Or you know," she laughed, slightly insanely. "My own wand."

Scorpius had to admit, he was glad Louis didn't just hand over the fork. It felt like he had someone on his side. Which was definitely what he needed when facing the crazy Weasley woman. When she ordered him to sit down again, he felt himself automatically agree, though he was still not convinced this was a good idea.

He didn't know Louis' name was William though. Nor did he really care, but still.

Scorpius nearly smacked himself when she asked about Albus, trying to recover and continue to deny it. "We just assumed you were talking about Albus. Because he's my best friend. And I'm not particularly close to Lily," and with the amount of manipulating Albus had done since they'd gotten together, he wasn't sure he could see Albus as Hufflepuff-y as he may have used to.

At the insane laugh, he came to a decision very quickly. "Give her the fork," Scorpius suggested to Louis, unable to take his eyes of the woman. He'd really rather not have to face her wrath.

The middle name had come out, and so did Louis' bottom lip in a pout. It was unfair, especially seeing as he knew neither of their middle names. He had a feeling Dominique's was Gabrielle or Apolline or Beast, but he couldn't be certain, and he had no idea about Scorpius'. Maybe it would be some star. He'd settle for Milky Way, even if that was a galaxy.

"What, are you talking about James?" Louis said quickly, deciding to continue Scorpius' line, and raised his eyebrows even further. "Or is he now copping off with Uncle Harry or something? Lily would be a Malfoy, she'd take his name, so you must be talking about one of the blokes. I assume. What are you insinuating?" He couldn't even stop talking now. He did often wonder if he had some sort of malfunction.

Louis looked across at Scorpius with incredulity. "On your own head be it, mate," he said, raising his eyebrows, before turning and stretching his arm out to Dominique, not quite capable of dropping it into her hand. "So if you hurt him in any way at all, I'm not being bound into secrecy. Unless you have something really good." Like a huge bar of chocolate or tickets to a Cannons match.

When Albus came back from the toilet his boyfriend and two cousins were suddenly gone. He had no idea where they went, nor where to look for them. And there was no sign they left the house. Al wondered why they'd not waited for him, but assumed they would have a good reason for disappearing, so he set himself on the couch and grabbed one of uncle Bill's magazines about Quidditch. It wasn't like her had nothing to do until they decided to come back.

But when Al read the thing cover to cover, he started to get worried. And it was then when he heard sound coming from the kitchen. He walked towards the door quickly, but it was locked. He started to get a bit worried now, but he was more curious than that. Deciding to try the back door, he left the house and walked round it, ducking when he reached the window.

He tried the backdoor and grinned to himself when it opened, clearly not being locked. Though, when he got inside and saw what was going on, his eyes widened. "Why are you waving a fork in Scor's face?" he cried, door slipping from his hand and falling close.

Dominique reached out for the fork, pleased that Scorpius was sitting again. "Louis is being a bit boring, isn't he blond Malfoy spawn? I thought I had taught him to not be boring around me. Obviously Scorpius loves a Potter boy, you can see it in his eyes. Just like Louis is in love with his toothbrush."

She pointed her fork at her brother, and then at Scorpius. "What should I do with-" she stopped in mid sentence when she heard a new voice, looking up to find one of the Potter boys had entered the kitchen. She quickly waved her wand and locked the door behind him.

"Albus? Just the person I wanted to see. I've discovered Scorpius' secret. He's in love with James!" she waved her wand again, this time another chair appearing next to Albus. "Down you sit."

Scorpius was pleased to hear that Louis could be bribed into secrecy, though at least it was 'for something good'. If he was honest, he would say the same, so he couldn't really be upset about it. He hoped that if Louis was bribed into it, Dominque gave him something good. That would make him feel better about his own harm. Or death.

He didn't think he'd been so happy to see Albus, relaxing in the chair he was being forced to sat in. "Thank goodness you're here," he murmured, suddenly filled with an urge to run as quickly as he could and leave Albus to deal with his cousin. But then Dominque said something that had him shaking his head furiously.

"I'm not in love your brother," he assured, pointing at Dom. "She made that up. I think she's slightly insane. I hate your brother. I swear it."

"Thaaaaaanks Dom, love you too," Louis said, smiling with forced sweetness as the fork switched between his and Scor's faces, when the door burst open, and in came Albus.

"Oh, party!" Louis said. "Crack out the best china? I'll get some drinks."

He glanced between the two boys at the next thing Dom said, biting on his lip a little, before grinning at Scorpius's response. "Oi, mate, that's my best friend you're ripping to shreds there. You know what? I love James. We have some serious bromance going on there. So, Scorpius can't hook with him."

"Scor is what?" Al asked, eyes going even wider at that suggestion. Why was Scor in love with James? Wait. James. His brother James. Al slowly lowered himself in the chair Dom transfigured for him and listened to Scor deny the fact that he was in love with James. And Louis who confirmed it. Al stood up again and walked closer to Scor and Dominique.

"But why are you waving a fork at him? And why do you assume he's in love with James?" he asked, unsure if he was supposed to talk about this, because maybe she would guess about him and Scor, and Al doubted that his boyfriend would like that very much.

"Can you not just put that fork away and tell me what is going on in here?"

Dom rolled her eyes. Boy's were so boring now of days. "Fine, be in love with Albus. That's better, we can play marriage-games now." she moved closer to Scorpius, putting her fork down on his head and using it to stroke his hair. "You're already ready failing the Potter family test though, boy."

She turned to look at her brother. "Louis knows this best of all, seeing as apparently they are the ones in love, that the only way to be a true Potter or Weasley you have to be able to love James and ignore his... James-way. So minus point to Scorpius." she tilted her head, looking at the Malfoy boy again. "You dont wanna know what happens when you get three minus points."

"No! I'm not putting down the fork, Albus!" Dom frowned at the young Potter boy. He was such a killjoy. "I'm having pie!"

Scorpius smirked at Louis' words, though after the boy mentioned drinks, he was beginning to feel a little thirst. And hungry. Food would'nt go amiss. "See, Louis already has claims on James. Even if I didn't hate him, which I do, it wouldn't matter," he turned back to Albus, just to hammer the fact home a bit more. "I really don't like your brother."

He wasn't surprised when Dominque refused to put the fork down, raising a brow at the mention of pie. Pie would definitely be appreciated. "You're having pie?" he repeated in disblief. "And since when were we playing a points game? You're assuming I want to be a 'true Potter or Weasley', which I'm not sure I'd want to be. Take your fork and go-" he cur himself off before he could say anything offensive. "Eat your pie. Stop waving it at me."

"Oooh, pie, I fancy pie," Louis said, before shoving his fist in his mouth and turning to get on with the drinks. But he was kind of curious. "What kind of pie? Is it a real pie? I want pie now. I hope Grandma has some pie."

Louis sighed and turned around, handing Scorpius and Al each a glass of orange juice, wondering if he should put sedatives in Dom's. "I hope you don't dislike me like James. That would make me sad and I'd have to let Dom do whatever she felt like to you. Although, she might approve of you more if you dislike me." He grinned at his sister and handed her a butterbeer, trying to snatch the fork back.

Al choked on his own spit when Dominique spoke up again. What the hell was his cousin talking about? Who had even told her that he was gay. Let alone dating Scorpius. His eyes went wide as she started waving the fork again. It was decided then, Dom had officially lost her mind. Maybe he should call Victoire, and ask her to keep the redhead in check. He doubted Dom would like that very much.

A glass of orange juice was pressed into his hand and Al glanced at it before looking up again. There wasn't really anything he could say, so instead he just stayed silent.

Well he was planning on that, but failed when he got curious again. "Why are you guys even doing this?" he asked, lifting the glass to his lips and taking a small sip. "And what is it exactly that you're doing?"

Dom had really started to crave pie. She hadn't really been planning on having pie. But the boys were all being so pissy about her fork, couldn't one have fun anymore? Ugh, killjoys, the lot of them.

"I really do want pie," Dominique said, turning to her brother again. "Or maybe we should go out for burgers and leave those love birds to die." she coughed. "I mean, you know, not die, I would never kill my darling Albie."

Sighing loudly, Dominique stomped her foot. "Will you guys just sit down and be still! I will tie you to your chairs if you move again. I want you to sit LouiLou." she made another chair appear close to Louis, before she turned to Albus. "We were here to - before you rudely interrupted us, Albie - have some fun." she waved her fork about. "Scorpius is at this family event, and therefor he must either already be family or want to be family. So we thought he might need testing." Moving slowly towards Scorpius again, Dom held her fork out towards his face, the fork really seemed to like his face. And Dom really wanted to poke him with it. Roughly. "Think quickly Blondie! What is my middle name?"

Scorpius took the glass of orange juice off Louis, figuring that it would be rude to say no. He was never one for turning down food or drink. Especially not food. Though that was less out of being polite and more out of being slightly greedy. "I could never dislike you like I dislike James. Especially seeing as you're helping me sort of.

He nearly choked on his own spit when Dominique referred to them as love birds. At least, she assumed she was referring to them. Years spent lying to himself and he couldn't even cover himself in front of Albus' cousin. Though she was kind of...intimidating. "We're not love birds. Though I'm pleased to know you'd be willing to kill me and not Al."

"If I'm already family why would it need testing?" Scorpius asked, finding the whole situation bizarre. Family. Really. He didn't want to be related to James. Or to this insane woman. "Your middle- why on earth would I know your middle name?" he damanded, before turning his attention to Louis and Albus. "Do you guys know her middle name? Or is the answer 'she doesn't have one'?"

Louis looked at the chair his sister conjured next to him a little tentatively, before deciding it would probably be better to sit. "I do fancy burgers now you come to mention it. I'll hold you to that." He watched as she waved the fork around. "Don't tie me to the bloody chair, Dom. I gave you a drink. You should be thankful." He grinned and pulled his legs up beneath his chin as he waited for her to continue talking.

"Oh believe me, Scor, no-one gets into this family without testing," Louis said, shaking his head slightly. "It's like a warning test. You've got to know what you're letting yourself in for. You'll be okay, you're pretty cool. Some of the others though might end up running." He grinned, and then heard Dom's question. Crap, that was a hard one. He wasn't even really sure. He was pretty sure one was Apolline or Molly or something boring (that had to be Vic), but he couldn't think of any reasonable suggestions for Dom that weren't along the lines of Mad Psychotic Bitch.

"Is it... Gab...rielle?" he tested carefully, frowning. "Or is it going to be Ginevra? Is it one of the blood aunties? I'm going with Gabrielle."